Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (USA 2004)

From the Publisher:
Bernie Rhodenbarr is a personable chap, a good neighbor, a passable poker player. His chosen profession, however, might not sit well with some. Bernie is a burglar, a good one, effortlessly lifting valuables from the not-so-well-protected abodes of well-to-do New Yorkers like a modern-day Robin Hood. (The poor, as Bernie would be the first to tell you, alas, have nothing worth stealing.)

He's not perfect, however; he occasionally makes mistakes. Like accepting a paid assignment from a total stranger to retrieve a particular item from a rich man's apartment. Like still being there when the cops arrive. Like having a freshly slain corpse lying in the next room, and no proof that Bernie isn't the killer.

Now he's really got his hands full, having to locate the true perpetrator while somehow eluding the police -- a dirty job indeed, but if Bernie doesn't do it, who will?

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. HarperTorch, ISBN: 0060582553 (March, 2004), 320 p., $6.99.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (UK 2002)

From the Publisher:
Introducing Bernie Rhodenbarr, N.Y.C.'s prince of thieves - who really should have known better! When the mysterious pear shaped man with a lot of uncomfortably accurate information about Bernie and his career offered him five big ones to liberate a blue leather box - unopened - from an East Side apartment, it would have been a good time to plead a previous engagement... but times were tough.

Everything was straightforward - the box was where it should have been but before the liberation took place , two men in blue coats turned up. Still all was not lost, there was always a way to work things out... that was before they discovered the body in the bedroom and Bernie decided to leg it.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. No Exit Press, ISBN: 1842430718 (October, 2002), 288 p., £5.99.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (UK 1996)

From the Publisher:
Introducing Bernie Rhodenbarr, N.Y.C.'s prince of thieves - who really should have known better! When the mysterious pear shaped man with a lot of uncomfortably accurate information about Bernie and his career offered him five big ones to liberate a blue leather box - unopened - from an East Side apartment, it would have been a good time to plead a previous engagement... but times were tough.

Everything was straightforward - the box was where it should have been but before the liberation took place , two men in blue coats turned up. Still all was not lost, there was always a way to work things out... that was before they discovered the body in the bedroom and Bernie decided to leg it.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. No Exit Press, ISBN: 094835352X (October, 1996), 288 p., £4.99.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (USA 1995)

From the Publisher:
Not even Bernie Rhodenbarr himself could have predicted the wonderful succes and wild raves he received from fans and critics alike for The Burglar Who Traded Ted Williams. So, as a way of saying thanks, Bernie is pleased to invite readers old and new to his very first caper, and has even persuaded its creator, Lawrence Block, to write a new afterword.

Now, we all know Bernie's the type of guy who likes to work alone. He finds the profits are higher and the risks a lot lower. But in Burglars Can't Be Choosers, Bernie finds that while he's no beggar, he's not above taking on a rare work-for-hire. It's simple, really. All he has to do is break into a posh East Side apartment, grab a blue leather-covered box, deliver it to his mysterious employer, and pocket a nice, easy fee. Well, nothing's ever that easy.

No sooner is Bernie inside the apartment when things start to go wrong. Things like... no blue box. Things like... the police, led by his old nemesis, detective Ray Kirschmann. Things like... the dead body in the bedroom. Things like... being accused of murder.

Bernie, suddenly on the run, couldn't ask for a better place to hide than the anonymous streets of New York City - except for the fact his face is now in every tabloid newspaper and on every television newscast. Holing up at an out-of-town friend's apartment, he meets up with a lovely young lady ready with aid and comfort ... and other resources. At last Bernie's got some time to figure out what's going on, and who set him up. And why.

In Burglars can't Be Choosers, Lawrence Block delivers us a one-two punch of fast action and faster wit, and proves not only that crime does pay, but that it's really funny. Welcome, reader, to Bernie Rhodenbarr's world of crime, where he'll steal your heart - and probably something else.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. A Bernie Rhodenbarr Mystery. Dutton, ISBN: 0525939431 (February, 1995), Hardcover, 252 p., $19.95.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (USA 1978)

From the Publisher:
Meet Bernie Rhodenbarr. Light-fingered, light-hearted, the perfect thief. Until he learns the hard way that... Burglars can''t be choosers

What they did to him was a crime
Bernie was a man about town - and other people's apartments. He was neat, precise - professional. A New Yorker to the core. Who only worked the posh East Side - and made the choicest hauls...

Until he took up an offer he couldn't refuse

A job that looked like a piece of cake. A job that was a frame-up for Murder One.

And while Bernie knew he hadn't killed the man in the apartment he robbed-for hire, the police knew nothing of the kind...

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. Jove / HBJ, M4584 (November, 1978), 252 p., $1.75.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (UK 1978)

From the Publisher:
Bernard Grimes Rhodenbarr really should have known better. When the mysterious pear-shaped man with the elusive brown eyes and a lot of uncomfortably accurate information about Bernie and his career offered him five large ones to liberate a blue leather box - unopened - from an East Side apartment, that would have been a good time to mutter something about a previous engagement. But the larder was getting low and five thousand dollars an hour is even more than a plumber charges.

Things started out simply enough. The doorman obligingly opened the door. The lock on the flat opened like sesame. This was because Bemie was an old hand and there is nothing like the professional touch. The desk was where it was supposed to be, and the box was supposed to be inside it. But before Bemk could establish this, two men in blue came through the door.

Cause for alarm? Not a bit of it. Don't be silly. While burglars have money and cops have mortgages, there will always be a way for reasonable gentlemen to Work Things Out. They were working things out, when one of the cops answered a call of nature. He went the wrong way, and found a body. Bernie, like the nutcase he was, ran. He would have to find out who really dented the skull on that body, and this wasn't easy. But burglars can't be choosers.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. London: Robert Hale, 1978, ISBN: 0709170440, 181 p., £3.95.

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers (USA 1977)

From the Publisher:
Bernard Grimes Rhodenbarr really should have known better. When the mysterious pear-shaped man with the elusive brown eyes and a lot of uncomfortably accurate information about Bernie and his career offered him five large ones to liberate a blue leather box - unopened - from an East Side apartment, that would have been a good time to mutter something about a previous engagement. But the larder was getting low and five thousand dollars an hour is even more than a plumber charges - and you know what they say about the relative worth of a bird in the hand.

Things started out simply enough. The doorman obligingly opened the door downstairs. The lock on the apartment door opened like sesame. Because Bemie was an old hand at this, you see, and there's just no substitute for the professional touch.

The big old rolltop desk was right where it was supposed to be, and the blue leather box was supposed to be in it. But before Bernie could establish this, the door opened and two men in blue coats came through it.

Cause for alarm? Don't be silly. As long as burglars have money and cops have mortgages, there will always be a way for reasonable gentlemen to Work Things Out. Bernie had money. Ray Kirschmann and Loren Kramer had mortgages.

Soooooo...

So Loren took time out to answer a call of nature, and turned left when he should have turned right, and in the bedroom he found a body. Of the dead variety.

And what did Bernie do? Like a rabbit, he ran. Like a nut, he bolted. Thus rendering his bird in the hand worth life in the slam.

didn't even know where to start. But burglars can't be choosers, to coin a phrase.

Then when the appealing nutty young woman showed up, things really got interesting…

Lawrence Block: Burglars Can't Be Choosers. A mystery novel introducing Bernie Rhodenbarr, New York City's prince of thieves. New York: Random House, 1977, ISBN: 0394411838, Hardcover, 181 p., $6.95.